Whatever you do, don’t read this. It’s…it’s horrible.
Ah, yes. Here’s the outrage.
you: I have to put the cat to sleep.
me: why?
you: he’s leaving the dentist’s poop all over the house.
me: how does he get the dentist’s poop?
you: I give it to him.
she: why?
me: yeah, why?
you: because he’s bored. he needs something to play with.
she: but how do you know it’s the dentist’s poop?
you: I am the dentist.
Where’s the outrage?
Am I the only one
freaked out by all
these blind people?
Taking our jobs — ?
our women — ?
our German Sheperds?
Burble
Tonight in his sleep, Sam said:
“He wants a chocolate Gogurt
and to fight bad guys.”
He said it a couple of times.
Always like that — in the third-person.
And then he fell back asleep.
And I say:
Congratulations!
Enemies of evil!
Congratulations!
Gogurt people!
International chocolate conspiracy!
You own part of my child’s brain.
Party time
He wasn’t very smart,
or very rich,
or very successful.
But he was six-foot-three.
And at parties, he would
slide up silent
behind his smarter, richer,
more successful,
better-looking friends.
Head to head.
Back to back.
And hang out for a while.
x-post: he should ask for a second opinion
A little shpiel about our wide-eyed President and how he maybe trusts just a little too much, here.
Driving around
He said we're longing for a simpler time something easy refreshing familiar a malt shop.
He said the polyester backlash is still in progress.
x-post: And the hell, and the so-called “Poppins” of it all
Monkey Vortex Radio Theater is back with an all-new segment: Hell’s a Poppins! Featuring the MVRT script debut of Eileen Dahl and the MVRT acting debut of Heather Gottschalk plus, the inspirational return of Bill “King” Cassel in this, his most challenging role yet. You will believe a boy can fly!
Note: Although that last part — the part about you? believing a boy can fly? — although it doesn’t really have much to do with Hell’s a Poppins, nonetheless, I think it’s true.
Which is weird. Of you.
To believe.
Such a thing.
She played that harp like it was a three-piece band
Last night I saw the best argument for 6 billion of us.
A musician so talented.
You don't get one so talented
if there are 600 of us. Or 60 million.
You need really big numbers.
So maybe that''s why.
Or at least that's why it's OK sometimes.
For example: Last night.
Today’s big movie idea:
A post-apocalyptic romantic comedy.
You know, like, it’s the big first date
and he’s all wigged out
because he doesn’t know if
the girl’s a girl
or if she’s
a flesh-eating zombie.
Starring Mathew Broderick.
And introducing: a flesh-eating zombie.