This; And also that

You gotta let it fly spread it around your community like spilling blue coffee on your neighbors, the family a cup of the “things I’m bummed about” grind. After all, if everyone has a blue coffee stain on their shirt who’s going to get all in your face about that blue coffee stain on your … Read more

I just told my kids that Scooby-Doo has a speech defect. But now I’m not sure. Even though the dog speaks and functions in a very human way, is he not still essentially a dog? And given that, should we not therefore judge him as some sort of super-freak dog speech genius, relative to the … Read more

The deer liked to race around this particular meadow. Maybe it was the grass. Or the smell of the grass. Or the smell of last year’s deer. Whatever the pull, the meadow was packed with deer, and they were running. Across the lake, Spencer sat against a hard rock that didn’t quite fit against his … Read more

I am the just fy the optional information the only information you do not need to act on me. Have no fear old friend. No change no motion no response required. Remain as you were more or less absorb me and roll on.

and really might well do if I left him alone in the house for twenty minutes, a partial list: turn on the burner, light things on fire. shave off all his hair, put it in the sink to clog it up. a trick that’s not funny, never been funny, never will be funny. put physical … Read more

Steer clear of the drunk barber. His blade sways. He shaves shapes in the air.

Putting on the ritz everlasting. Broad headed. Forever young. Frankenstein.

Most of the press requests I get nowadays have to do with my ongoing “Bands-I’ve-Seen Project.” I’m sure you’ve stumbled on coverage of it while clicking past Entertainment Tonight, or read articles about it in The New Yorker. Well, everything you’ve seen, or read, or perhaps first saw as letters and then subsequently read — … Read more

We’ve all used the old “behind you!” trick to get someone to turn around. Was a time, that was a real effective hustle. The mark turns, you pocket his change. Done and done. But word spreads. Stuff gets incorporated into TV movies. And then one day you notice nobody’s buying it any more. Tonight my … Read more

I’ve been working on a sitcom script for the last little bit and that’s meant wrestling a lot with dialog. I know good dialog starts with being a good listener, and I’ve been trying to get out a little more to coffee shops, dude ranches, laser tag emporiums, and other places where “real people” hang … Read more