Cecil Vortex

Things I fear my six-year-old secretly likes to do

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and really might well do if I left him alone in the house for twenty minutes, a partial list:

  • turn on the burner, light things on fire.
  • shave off all his hair, put it in the sink to clog it up. a trick that’s not funny, never been funny, never will be funny.
  • put physical pressure on the cat — just put both his hands on the side of the cat and sort of gently press in until the cat says “meew.”

And that’s why I won’t be leaving him alone in the house while I go to get coffee this morning.
Anything you fear he might do?

A Thing I Like to Do

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It’s been a little while since I’ve written a new song, but I’ve been playing a bit more of late and — hey presto — two ditties appear. Fun to get back to recording after a little break. Today’s tune is A Thing I Like to Do, the musical version of a post from a few weeks ago, now with vocals, keyboards, and a light dusting of guitar. It’s unusual among the original tunes on my virtual lp in that it’s nearly two (2!) minutes long.
Coming pretty soon: “Welcome to Your Doom of Clowns,” based on a line my 6-year-old delivered a few months back — a line I realized just this past week is one of the best song titles I’m ever gonna run into.
time: 1:53 seconds; specs: 1.7 mb
Press Play to play.

The Wilmot’s Open Mic Cometh: This Saturday, 7 pm

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Hi,
Just a reminder that the next Wilmot’s Old-Fashioned Mic-Less Mic is just three thin days away. Drop me a line if you’d like to have your name added to the list ahead o’ time. And leap o’er here for all the detailed info. We have a great buncha readers lined up, plus fab wine courtesy of Blacksmith Cellars. Should be a swell time.
Here’s a painting we recently commissioned showing some of the fun from the first go around. The really hard part was getting everyone to stand still for 2 hours. Believe me, we won’t be trying *that* again!

wilmostopenmic.jpg

See ya Saturday…
-Cecil
UPDATE: Thanks to all who came out. Amazingly, drizzle and all, we got a packed house. 16 readers and somewhere between 35-40 people in the house. Great words chosen with care. World-class wine. And we even ended on time. Thanks to Mary and Tim of Wilmot’s Books for hosting and to Blacksmith Cellars for the excellent grape. Next reading’s in March — hope to see you there.

The Bands-I’ve-Seen Project

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Most of the press requests I get nowadays have to do with my ongoing “Bands-I’ve-Seen Project.” I’m sure you’ve stumbled on coverage of it while clicking past Entertainment Tonight, or read articles about it in The New Yorker. Well, everything you’ve seen, or read, or perhaps first saw as letters and then subsequently read — it’s all true.
“The Bands-I’ve-Seen Project” is a three-phase effort to paralyze time by recalling bands that I’ve seen and then focusing on those shows with both my eyes closed.
The first phase was taking a crack at compiling this list for myself. That was the part that got all the press interest.
The second phase has just kicked in — earlier today I posted a draft of the list as a stripe down the left side of the site. I’m leaving out opening acts that angered me, but including shameful moments from my youth because why have shameful moments in your youth if you can’t display them in public later in life?
The third phase is the really innovative piece, and as such I’m sure it will be completely ignored by the mainstream media. In this stage, you are an active participant. Here’s how it works:
If you and I have seen one or more shows together, please give the list a skim. Then, if you spot anything missing, drop me an email or post a comment here. For example: what was the name of that choral robe-flowing band that opened for Bowie? UPDATE: Thank you e! (“Polyphonic Spree”)
Once I have what looks like a complete list, I will return to focusing on these shows with both my eyes closed. And if I’m successful, we may well stop time, at least for a moment. Although what it would mean to stop time for a period of time I’m not quite sure.
Good luck to us all!

The Deathmarch to the Lighthouse, Week 6

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Congrats to the many who’ve made it through or are on the verge of crossing the finish line! (oh math, from hell’s heart, we stab at thee. For hate’s sake, we spit our last breath at thee.)
If you haven’t already shouted out, or you have last thoughts to share that you were holding back for fear of spoiling endings and such, you’ve come to exactly the right spot. Thanks to all for an excellent ‘march and most especially thanks for your high patience with me, and my, well, let’s just say imprecise posting habits this time around. I should be much more on the dime when we tackle The Monster aka Thomas Pynchon’s brand-new book, Against the Day. Deathmarch to start in mid-January. And may God have mercy on our souls.
Next week: Can you hear it? That sound? The whirring of machines, the gathering of magnetism? Watch this spot for…a magnet preview….
-Cecil

Wilmot’s Old-Fashioned Mic-Less Open Mic Strikes Back: Saturday Dec 9th, 7 pm

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Our second mic-less open mic is coming up a week from Saturday. This time around, Blacksmith Cellars has offered to pour a pair of their fantastic wines. Should be a lotta fun, whether you’re sharing your work or just luxuriating in that world-famous Alameda hipster vibe while sipping a glass of award-winning grape.
Here’s the scoop, straight from the flier:
Come join us Saturday, December 9th as Wilmot’s Books hosts an old-fashioned mic-less open mic, featuring local writers plus fine wine courtesy of Blacksmith Cellars.
We’ll keep things moving at a brisk yet mellow pace – 3-5 minutes per reader, just enough time to give folks a taste and leave them politely requesting more. “But no!” you’ll say – “you’ll have to wait till the next Wilmot’s Old-Fashioned Mic-less Open Mic!”

  • All manner of prose and poetry welcome.
  • Sign up at 7 pm; words at 7:15 pm.
  • Directions: 510.865.1443.
  • Questions, or to sign up ahead of time: openmic@cecilvortex.com.

Wilmot’s Books: 478 Central Avenue, Alameda

Today’s true math fact

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“Fractions” — it’s just division for extremely lazy people.
What’s 3 divided by 4? I’m too damn lazy to figure it out. In fact, I’m wiped out just forming this sentence. How about we call it 3/4 and you let me go back to sleep?
Fractions for geopolitics would look like this: “Say, what’s the solution to the problem in Iraq?” “Oh, that’s easy. It’s problem-in-Iraq-solution.”
Fractions for getting a large boat into a bottle? “In-bottle-big-boat it!”
Fractions for keeping a dog from eating your ham? “Dog-not-eat-ham him.”
Please. Don’t waste my time. With fractions.