"…something like the supervisor of an entire team of political agents…"
What our crazy neighbor said to my wife the other night not realizing that my wife is “the woman before you” and that we’d recently fixed the porch light, she said: “I’m glad you’re here because the woman before you was a devil they lived in darkness and you know about darkness.”
“Did you hear that? That’s the sound of me throwing my Dale Carnegie book into the trash.”
Eventually, so few people bothered to vote any more all they had to do was gas the voting booths on election day to get rid of the remaining troublemakers.
A girl lives in a castle, surrounded by enormous wealth. She is ignored by virtually everyone. Unbeknownst to her, she is also the source of all this wealth. A woman she believes is her mother lives with her in the castle. This woman is very sad and still, quiet and pale. The castle is run … Read more
“It’s a multiple of a lot of different things.” Then somewhere down the line, you find yourself saying “It’s a syndrome.” You’re giving 75/25. Or 65/35. Holding back. Not out of laziness but from some sense that things are finite and you don’t want to spend it all. When the phone rings, you answer it … Read more
If you love yourself even a little, check out TMBG.com — They Might Be Giants home on the web. I have enjoyed this band for, like 19 years. Gack! After sort of burning out on them, I went to a recent show and I was shocked at how much fun I had. They opened with … Read more
People have been wondering for some time now who the new Ralph Macchio will be. They say: “Who?” Well, I have the answer, and I’m going to share it. But I think it will come as a big surprise, so brace yourself. I am the new Ralph Macchio. Ralph knows already, and he’s not happy … Read more
A few years ago I finally figgered out a really obvious thing: that writing’s only one part inspiration/ability. Duh, I know. But there I was, waiting for the spirit of F. Scott to sieze control of my spine, to toss me into my deskchair and start my finger bones pounding out Gatsby II: The Reckoning. … Read more
I have seen you eat eggs, and it’s a fearsome sight. If I was an egg, and you looked in the window, I would start to cry. I wouldn’t have any legs, so I’d just rock back and forth, thin tears tracing down the hard shell of my face. Now maybe you’d surprise me and … Read more