Old Dude Goes to a Show

Five minutes after the lights go down I hear a familiar rustling two seats over. Someone’s making things happen. I’m a little stressed but not surprised when a hand in the darkness offers two white pills. “No thanks,” I say, false cool, thinking: “I am old dude.” The hand withdraws. A minute later, I ask: … Read more

Righteous, Stressed-Out Daddy-o

“Hey Potty-Mouth! Like, stop expanding my toddler’s vocabulary.” shouts my inner, angry uptight beatnik to this guy sitting two rows back. And I toss an espresso over one shoulder into the eyes of this small-smiling fuck. I maim him with my poetry. I thunder him with cartoon thoughts in my inner, angry, uptight beatnik mind.

Shaq Diesel and Me

Last night I dreamt that Shaquille O’Neal dropped by my house. He had a lot on his mind and he was looking for a distraction — a chat, maybe a movie. I was happy to see him. We talked for a bit, Shaq and me. Then California Representative Maxine Waters showed up, and she was … Read more

The Best Things in Life Are Free

Here’s another one of them there standards, with keys and vocals and antique steamer howl and yes, perhaps, yes indeed: the sound of time itself. It’s a confusing, some might say outrageous sentiment for this holiday week: The Best Things in Life Are Free, written by B.G. DeSylva, Lew Brown, and Ray Henderson back in … Read more