My 7-year-old just offered this interesting observation (which I reproduce here with apologies to my 81-year-old readers): “Death is OK. It’s OK if you die of old age. Dying at 80 just means that God thinks you’ve had enough time.” To which my 9-year-old added, “A soldier dying in war isn’t OK.”
The proximity of these two thoughts led me to the kind of rare insight that comes only once every few weeks, to whit: Why aren’t we sending our 80- and 90-year-olds to war and leaving our 20-year-old kids home to play with their video game contraptions and text messaging?
I know, I know, this is kinda politically incorrect, and I apologize for that. And I certainly mean no disrespect to 90- and 100-year-olds. But seriously, I’m picturing a wave of 30,000 pissed off 110-year-old soldiers, tossing grenades, pressing lethal buttons, shouting “take that you ratzis!” I would run away from a wave like that. Wouldn’t you run away from a wave like that? I think I would poop myself. And then I would run away.
8 comments for “The greatest generation strikes back”
Itto Ogami
September 11, 2007 at 8:54 am
cec, the AARP called. they want a word with you.
honestly, any politician who votes for war should have to serve in that war for as long as the war lasts. surge? don’t think so.
With apologies again to Cecil’s 81-year-old readers, certainly a war conducted by the aged would be considerably less deadly, what with their poor eyesight, frequent naps, and failure to comprehend technology. But how do we convince them to sign up? Tell them they’re going on a cruise?
this reminds me of Bill Hicks – his suggestion was that we put old people in action films. The quote:
“I have a killer idea. I was watching Terminator 2. I was thinking to myself, you know there’s no way they are ever going to top these stunts in a movie again unless they start using terminally ill people as stunt men.
“Well, hear me out. I know to some of you this may seem a little cruel. (whiny voice) ‘Ahh Bill, terminally ill stunt people? That’s cruel.” You know what I think cruel is, leaving your loved ones to die in some sterile hospital room surrounded by strangers. Whaaaat? You want your grandmother to die like a little bird in some hospital room? Her skin so thin you can see her last heart beat work it’s way down her blue veins . . .
“Or do you want her to meet Chuck Norris?
“Hey, how come you dressed my mother up like a mugger?”
“Shut up and get off the set. Action. Push her towards Chuck.”
“sssssssSSSSSShhhhHHHHCRUNCH!” “Wow, he kicked her head right off her body? Did you see that, did you see my grammy?” She’s out of her misery and you’ve seen the greatest film of all time. I’m still feeling some resistance to this, what’s up? You and your fake sympathy. Okay, not one of my more popular theories. But just do me one thing. Don’t ever say you like film as much as I do. I think we’ve found your limit.”
Alex — beautiful excerpt. I’ve long heard the legend of Bill Hicks but haven’t heard much of the actual material. I know enough to know that my arms are way too short to box with the late great Bill Hicks.
I think I have a DVD of him around the house. Must dig it up…..
-Cecil
alex, that was great. oh, please send me your grandparents’ addresses. we’re doing a remake of a flesh eating monster movie and i think they would be great.
cec, the AARP called. they want a word with you.
honestly, any politician who votes for war should have to serve in that war for as long as the war lasts. surge? don’t think so.
So instead of asking Mitt Romney why his sons are not serving in Iraq, we could ask him why his grandfather is not. Sounds like a plan!
With apologies again to Cecil’s 81-year-old readers, certainly a war conducted by the aged would be considerably less deadly, what with their poor eyesight, frequent naps, and failure to comprehend technology. But how do we convince them to sign up? Tell them they’re going on a cruise?
these are quality comments. I’m more convinced then ever!
-Cecil
Raleigh’s!
this reminds me of Bill Hicks – his suggestion was that we put old people in action films. The quote:
“I have a killer idea. I was watching Terminator 2. I was thinking to myself, you know there’s no way they are ever going to top these stunts in a movie again unless they start using terminally ill people as stunt men.
“Well, hear me out. I know to some of you this may seem a little cruel. (whiny voice) ‘Ahh Bill, terminally ill stunt people? That’s cruel.” You know what I think cruel is, leaving your loved ones to die in some sterile hospital room surrounded by strangers. Whaaaat? You want your grandmother to die like a little bird in some hospital room? Her skin so thin you can see her last heart beat work it’s way down her blue veins . . .
“Or do you want her to meet Chuck Norris?
“Hey, how come you dressed my mother up like a mugger?”
“Shut up and get off the set. Action. Push her towards Chuck.”
“sssssssSSSSSShhhhHHHHCRUNCH!” “Wow, he kicked her head right off her body? Did you see that, did you see my grammy?” She’s out of her misery and you’ve seen the greatest film of all time. I’m still feeling some resistance to this, what’s up? You and your fake sympathy. Okay, not one of my more popular theories. But just do me one thing. Don’t ever say you like film as much as I do. I think we’ve found your limit.”
Alex — beautiful excerpt. I’ve long heard the legend of Bill Hicks but haven’t heard much of the actual material. I know enough to know that my arms are way too short to box with the late great Bill Hicks.
I think I have a DVD of him around the house. Must dig it up…..
-Cecil
alex, that was great. oh, please send me your grandparents’ addresses. we’re doing a remake of a flesh eating monster movie and i think they would be great.