Common Sense Rules for Business: “I’ll have the number one!”

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Whatever your business, consider organizing what you sell into groups of three products, and giving each group a number. For example, if you run a coffee shop, one group could be “a machiatto, a ginger cookie, and a kale salad.” Another group could be “a soft boiled egg and two single-espressos.” You get the idea.

That way, when a customer walks in, they can say “I’ll have the number one!” People love to say that phrase. Just look at how well McDonald’s has done!

Now sit back and watch the money roll in.

Excited!

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The fellow at the table next to me is excited about getting on a panel with someone who’s a “super high-ranking hardcore anarchist vegan.” I didn’t know they ranked that kind of thing. Cool.

For Tundra Wolves

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For Tundra Wolves
to be to dogs
as lions are to cats, Tundra Wolves
which can already grow up to 7 feet long
would need to be 11.76 times
larger than they actually are
and weigh 1,460 pounds.
1,460 pounds of Tundra Wolf.
Do you see what I’m saying?

Berries

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The guy next to me
at this breakfast joint
just said to his date
in a Jack Nicholson voice
that I think is really the way this guy talks
"looks to me like you're not a fan of berries." 
If he sees what
I'm typing
I'm a dead man.

milestone

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My daughter finally reached the age where she slept in so long on a Saturday, I teased her with the old “oh wow, I forgot I had a second child” bit. Much more importantly, I finally reached the age where I amused myself by delivering said tease. Woohoo!

Outrageous

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overalls are rocking out country-style tonight.
That outrageous fiddle, the toe-tapping
outrageous lady singer and Brother Jeremiah with
his bass and jaunty
fresh-brimmed derby.
You are all outrageously dressed up like
Depression era folks tonight.
Except so much
cleaner.