Some say “no one should suffer simply because they have chosen to fall in love.”
But I’m not certain I agree.
Surely someone should suffer.
Surely. Someone should suffer simply.
Because they have chosen to fall.
But perhaps no one have chosen?
You think? Because they suffer then?
Perhaps they surely? Simply to choose?
I’m say not certain.
Surely to choose to love, yes?
Surely to choose perhaps
to love at last
to fall
simply because
but no one agree.
I’m gonna get serious here… Forgive? I think the first two stanzas are great, and that’s it, the whole poem. You don’t need the rest. Depending on the mood of the reader, it’s a) delightful wordplay b) a tongue-in-cheek description of the writing process c) grammar murder d) literary wanking e) simply wanking.
Hey Michael,
Serious can be excellent — thanks a lot for the feedback.
Me personally, I prefer the whole. The rest of it after that 2nd stanza isn’t meant to be playful wordplay, though I could see how it could come off that way. There’s actually meaning there, at least in my haid. But mebbe it doesn’t make it through. Will ponder…..
I have a whole different feeling about this poem now that I know it was inspired by Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher. Whether I like it more or less, I’m not sure.
What’s all this about choosing to fall in love?
thanks xian,
now look at the edits ye have wrought.
I’m gonna get serious here… Forgive? I think the first two stanzas are great, and that’s it, the whole poem. You don’t need the rest. Depending on the mood of the reader, it’s a) delightful wordplay b) a tongue-in-cheek description of the writing process c) grammar murder d) literary wanking e) simply wanking.
Hey Michael,
Serious can be excellent — thanks a lot for the feedback.
Me personally, I prefer the whole. The rest of it after that 2nd stanza isn’t meant to be playful wordplay, though I could see how it could come off that way. There’s actually meaning there, at least in my haid. But mebbe it doesn’t make it through. Will ponder…..
Who are you calling Shirley?
[There, that re-sets the serious quotient.]
My brain hurts.
I have a whole different feeling about this poem now that I know it was inspired by Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher. Whether I like it more or less, I’m not sure.
Having heard this one out loud, I think it reads less drunken than it did at first sight.
But I’m say not certain.