This; And also that

is what this fellow shouts at me and my chat-mate. We’re sitting on a bench, enjoying the East Bay sun. He comes up to us holding a black garbage bag. He puts the bag down next to us on the bench. He was so happy. There was something moving in that bag. He disappears into … Read more

They named a drug designed to help men urinate “Flomax.” (They really did. They called it “Flomax.” Can you imagine the joy in that room? “Flomax!” “Oh my God — we’re going to call it ‘Flomax!’ Somebody, do a trademark search!” “You’re incredible, Dave.” “No Sally, you are the incredible one. You came up with … Read more

He sounds surprised at everything he says he’s constantly surprising himself. “Is there food somewhere around here?” is what I asked. “There is?!” he self-flabbergasted. “Nordic Sub Shop — right next door?! Good food?!?” Surprise, surprise, surprise.

I have this recurring dream in which the brakes in my car give out. The shudder these dreams share is that moment when I’m pressing down but the car careens. I’ve had this dream in various forms for probably twenty years or so. Not too often — every couple of months I’d guess. I had … Read more

This morning while dropping my kids off at school, it occurred to me that California is now my home. I’ve lived here longer than I’ve lived anywhere else. I spent seventeen years on the east coast, interrupted by five years as a kid in Holland. Meanwhile, my California experience will hit nineteen years this coming … Read more

Lovely. (Link via ye olde zefrank.com.

At an Italian restaurant last night, while I was picking at my spaghetti bolognese, a perfect little gentleman of around 2 or 3 years old came up to me and stared. Whatever I did — peekabo, wiggly fingers, wiggly fingers on head, big smile, surprise face — it didn’t matter. He just stared. It was … Read more

You probably can’t tell from this blog, but I’m an exceptionally accomplished fellow. For example: I once taught a family of gerbils how to sign “hello” and “nice to see you.” I can hold my breath for three hours. From 1983 to 1987, everything I said or thought rhymed with “cantaloupe.” Nice bar of soap. … Read more

Some people, like Hillary Clinton and my 7-year-old son, have been hammering home this “Don’t Mess with Texas” message. In the case of Hillary, it’s one of her slogans for the March 4th primary. With my son, it’s on this t-shirt he likes to wear. And I’m sorry, but I enjoy messing with Texas. I … Read more

today’s a good day to introduce them to “Bicycle Race” by Queen. On your mark, get set, go…..