Published

People have been wondering for some time now who the new Ralph Macchio will be. They say: “Who?”
Well, I have the answer, and I’m going to share it. But I think it will come as a big surprise, so … Read on Macduff...

The horses are grazing over at the World Trade Center.
Tourists form a wide circle around the field
translating plaques out loud to each other
looking down at the grass-covered pit
before strolling over to the local Fire Department
where … Read on Macduff...

Most people don’t like ghosts.
But everybody loves circus ghosts.
Circus ghosts may not remember
who they were in the real world or
what kind of car they drove.
But they remember their tricks.
They say: “Watch me juggle. I … Read on Macduff...

Welcome
to the Golden Age
of me flossing my teeth.
An upgraded Age of Reason
and now even the common man understands
that the pale dots
on my bathroom mirror
are just pale dots and not some grim portent.
At … Read on Macduff...

Sometimes
when people walk by
I go to say “hi” to them
but nothing comes out,
I just open and shut my
mouth with a
dry whisper
and I think:
I must look like a lizard to them,
like a … Read on Macduff...

You speak
and it’s a leap
of faith
that someone won’t
pop you.
In the nose.

I shaved my beard today so, hopefully, we can put our feud aside.
You thought I was making fun of the ’70s, but I wasn’t. I love the ’70s.
That’s why I wore the beard in the first place. Can’t … Read on Macduff...

This couple had a fight at the bar tonight
about 10 feet from my knees.
At the beginning, he was saying
he really didn’t do “Graphic User
Interface design” any more —
he was doing “Information Architecture.”
And then they … Read on Macduff...

"Hey Potty-Mouth!
Like,
stop expanding
my toddler's
vocabulary."

shouts my inner, angry
uptight beatnik
to this guy sitting two rows back.

And I toss an espresso over
one shoulder into the eyes
of this small-smiling fuck.

I maim him with

It’s not natural —
how still we sit
hands hooked
over keys,
fingers curled in
arthritic crunch,
Blinking at
black and white characters.
Blink tap.
Blink tap.
You take an ape.
You want it to sit that still, that long.… Read on Macduff...