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We got snapped at this weekend, asking for directions. We pulled up next to this pleasant seeming, elderly type lady, and we rolled down the window, and we said: "Hi! Excuse me! Can you tell us how to get to thusandsuch? Do we take this turn?" And she said, with a huge twinkly smile, "Yes, you take that right and go straight for 17 miles." And then, still smiling, but now sinister and suddenly cold, the moisture on her eyes flash-freezing like a splash of water zapped to the far side of Planet X: "Why don't you buy a map?"
What?!
For the next two miles we ran through different scenarios. What was her problem? I mean, I love to give directions around my hometown. Drive up beside me. Roll down the window. You'll see how inappropriately pleased I can be, showing off my vast knowledge of the local grid -- "Oh yeah, you're almost there -- just three more lights up!" or: "OK, so. Go down past the park with the climby train, take the first right and then the soft left at the high school -- you can't miss it. Hey, you have a nice day too!" Great stuff.
We swung around a wide curve in the road and a jagged stretch of coastline came floating into view. From our vantage point driving along the high cliffs, the beach looked a lot like a squiggle drawn by satellite sensors. And then of course. It was so obvious. What incredible bad luck! -- an angry cartographer! We'd stopped an angry cartographer and asked her for directions. It all made sense. No wait, not angry. Just sad, really. In a bittersweet way.
"Why don't you buy a map?" she'd said. And it echoed echoed echoed as we rolled along toward thusandsuch. "I'm so hungry. No one will hire me. I hate mapquest. Please. Friend. Why don't you buy a map?"
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Did you get her license hate?
have you seen state-of-the-art cartographic software? pretty amazing.
i recall that the spanish inquisition resulted, et al, in expelling jewish cartographers, who moved to portugal and helped enabled the great portuguese age of exploration. maybe she was a descendent.
"I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it."
---Steven Wright
"Maps encourage boldness. They're like cryptic love letters. They make anything seem possible."
---Mark Jenkins, "To Timbuktu"