Open thread -- a call for your submissions

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• Barbara | August 9, 2004 9:45 AM | Reply

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  For Real... to set the scene: An early-twenties man has met up with two young women, his high school friends. He spends some time impressing them with his career exploits, then one woman asks about his friend.
  --"Yeah, Freddy was sorry he couldn't come, but y'know he just had a baby." Sez Hero.
  --"A baby!" Sez Female 1.
  --"Ohmygod, Freddy!" Sez Female 2.
  --"Yeah, I know, it's crazy! I just saw him and he was showing me pictures." (Hero)
  --"Is the baby cute?" (Female 1)
  --"Oh, man!! The pictures were just awful! There was blood everywhere and there were pictures of the baby coming out of, you know, her ... vagina." (Hero)
  --"Eww, gross!" (Female 1)
  --"How can people take pictures of things like that?!" (Female 2)
  --"Oh, man, it was disgusting. If he ever marries her, I don't know how I'm ever gonna look her in the face." (Hero)
  (Shamelessly eavesdropped at Starbucks)

• Captain Marsupial | August 9, 2004 1:43 PM | Reply

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  One for the kids, sung to the nursery school tune, "Make New Friends"

  Eat new cheese,
  And store the old.
  One is creamy
  And the other has mold.

  A brie is round,.
  Slices are square.
  Keep cheese cool
  or it will grow green hair.

  Mac and cheese
  Can taste real neat.
  Some people like cheese
  That smells like stinky feet.

• Dumpster | August 9, 2004 5:17 PM | Reply

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  I can't really top Barbara's item, but this may come close. It involves language, but not graphic imagery.
  One Saturday AM this spring, I was standing in line at the lawnmower repair shop. In the back, three of the guys, all mid-20s, were discussing the previous night's adventures, unaware of being shamelessly eavesdropped:
  #1: "...so I had to tell her my shit's not working. I said..."
  #2: "You mean you were so fucking drunk you couldn't even fuck her?"
  #3: "Yeah, I hate it when that happens ..."
  #2: "Oh, man! You're supposed to get *her* fucked up, not *you* ..."
  #1: "Well, I was, but then ..."

  In a more innocent vein, two kids on a bus the other day:
  "Would you eat somebody else's toenails for a billion, trillion dollars?"
  "I dn't know. I'd eat my own..."

• ys | August 10, 2004 10:43 AM | Reply

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  i sometimes wish i could
  pile all my thoughts together
  and then paste them onto paper
  like a ransom letter

• heroic imp | August 10, 2004 7:17 PM | Reply

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  a thread? As in a needle, or as in coming off my suit?

  Wait, I have neither?

  Better leave it open for the smarter people.

• D. J. Schiff | August 12, 2004 12:04 PM | Reply

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  OK Cecil, here is the theme of my epic poem, Eugene Oregon, delivered in regulation Pushkin sonnet format:

  Most certainly, you know some person
  with Pinball Fever on the brain.
  This sickness, that is known to worsen
  slowly, can drive players insane.
  Its victims: dupes who seek its pleasures.
  These fools, who value gaudy treasures
  of pinball games seem most unwise.
  They view, with their corrupted eyes,
  a life seen through a smoky filter.
  Some say it’s Lucifer’s own game,
  fanning unholy passion’s flame.
  An upright woman, when you tilt her,
  transforms to Babylonian whore...
  perhaps it’s wise to say no more.

• bleusmith | August 13, 2004 11:36 AM | Reply

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  spoken aloud while watching john wayne studies a clue left for him in "the searchers"...

  "what could this arrow of rocks mean?"