Category: This; And also that

Bean Curd

It’s one thing when an adult calls one other adult, “Baby.”

But it’s a whole other can of bean curd when an adult calls one other adult, “Babies.”

“What’s happening, Babies?” he said to one other adult. And all hell broke loose.

People Fish

The kids wrote “people fish exist” in chalk on the driveway and I don’t know if that means “people, fish exist” or “people-fish exist.” But there’s a big difference there.

Electricity

I don’t mean to brag, but the electricity in this coffee shop is just exceptional. My screen is showing colors I’ve never seen before. Silver-Red? What the hell is that?! My keyboard is warm. The CD eject button is borderline…

Hippies

I’m talking with politics with my son (who has a heart as big as the outdoors) and he says, innocently enough, “Hippies are people who don’t live anywhere and sneak into people’s backyard, right?” So, OK, he’s pro-hippie now. We’ve…

Me, Cooking

I have a pretty low threshold for what I consider “me, cooking.” Pretty much, if I add Tabasco, I’m cooking. So, for example, if I made toast, to which I wouldn’t normally add Tabasco, that wouldn’t count as cooking. (Or…

The Dog Show

Late at night, every night, Daphne watched The Dog Show. Odds are you’ve never seen it unless you’re a dog. See, The Dog Show’s broadcast on top of human programs in frequencies only dogs perceive. It stars a beat up…

Excited!

The fellow at the table next to me is excited about getting on a panel with someone who’s a “super high-ranking hardcore anarchist vegan.” I didn’t know they ranked that kind of thing. Cool.

For Tundra Wolves

For Tundra Wolves to be to dogs as lions are to cats, Tundra Wolves which can already grow up to 7 feet long would need to be 11.76 times larger than they actually are and weigh 1,460 pounds. 1,460 pounds…

Verner Ist Ein Fahmer

“Verner ist lonely in every part of his body” in this stirring trailer for an even more stirring film from extremely stirring 1920s German auteur/filmmaker/farmer Edelgard von Schinkenliebhaber. Prepare to get stirred! Verner Ist Ein Fahmer – watch more funny…

Berries

The guy next to me at this breakfast joint just said to his date in a Jack Nicholson voice that I think is really the way this guy talks “looks to me like you’re not a fan of berries.” If…

Is it worse

to be brought somewhere for some larger purpose or to be brought somewhere for some larger porpoise? Or, what if the larger purpose was to serve a smaller porpoise? What then?

milestone

My daughter finally reached the age where she slept in so long on a Saturday, I teased her with the old “oh wow, I forgot I had a second child” bit. Much more importantly, I finally reached the age where…

Outrageous

overalls are rocking out country-style tonight. That outrageous fiddle, the toe-tapping outrageous lady singer and Brother Jeremiah with his bass and jaunty fresh-brimmed derby. You are all outrageously dressed up like Depression era folks tonight. Except so much cleaner.

Just for fun

Sam wanted to bob for apples on Halloween “just for fun.” Which was a relief, because I know there are some people who bob for apples competitively, and others who bob for apples professionally. And I’m just not ready for…